高考英语考前冲刺读后续写专项指导：极简思维下的脱困话题例子（以2021.1浙江高考为例）

读后续写的临门指导：极简思维下的脱困话题例子（以 2021.1 浙江高考为例） 导语时，我们可能把读后续写分得很细，譬如教育、冒险、助人……，这在平时 无疑是非常有用的。但在临近考试时，我们就要遵守 Less is more 的原则，重新回 到写作的最原始的风貌上。我们要记得，所有的分类都是基于已有的考题上的推测。 但高考写作往往是出乎预料的，会让你感觉平时背的都用不上，此时内心不免失落， 同时绞尽脑汁去回忆点点滴滴。 其实，写作大可不必这样。我们写作只要遵循写作的最基本的路子，无非是：分 析材料、推测情节、遣词造句。我们需要的是一种成熟的思维模型，能帮助我们以不 变应万变。 在读后续写中，学生最大的麻烦其实并不是遣词造句，而是读懂文章和推测情节； 我们一开始担心学生无话可写，而实际上是学生写的太多而不得要领，经常是虎头蛇 尾，即第一段写了很多还写不完，第二段两三句结束。 作为应试作文，需要一种视觉上的美观，不仅仅是书写上的，还要对称以及错误 容忍度。也就是说，两段内容都在 80 词左右，错误容忍度在每段 1-2 两个小错。虽 然评分上没有明文规定，但这都是心理因素，不容忽视。 我提出写作极简原则，也是基于这个考虑。每一段三个主要场景，每个场景两个 句子 25 词。这就不允许你照搬语料，而是要结合情节的需要去创造性地运用语料。 很多语料都是非常夸张的，动不动让人心惊肉跳，手脚冒汗，天昏地暗，嚎啕大哭…… 如果没有语料，不用担心，能把句子写对也好。很多时候，写作就是一种感觉： 流畅第一！ 一篇作文读起来，非常拗口，不仅语言上，还有句子意义之间的连贯上，不可能 高分的，哪怕你你是莎士比亚再生。 流畅的第一要务就是时间过渡，我归纳了九种，当然还有普通种类的，譬如 then, three days later, the next morning。 流畅的第二要务是衔接，尤其是提示句后的句子，一定要牢牢抓住关键词进行重 复和指代复现。 记住：高考作文内容第一，语言第二。即使是语言，也不可能数你用到了多少高 大上的语料句子。 极简续写示意图： 第 一段 场景一（根据提示句推测出的） 看一看+想一想+说 一说+动一动+情绪（1-2 种组合） 场景二：解决问题（两三个连贯动词+时间 过渡） 同上 场景三：（根据提示句推测出的） 同上 第 二段 场景四：（根据提示句推测出的） 同上 场景五：次要角色的动作或对话（为点题服 务） 同上 主题句：主要角色的点题（内心所想、语言 回复等） 同上 很多同学经常看完基于极简模式后的作文后，总是感慨：这么简单啊？事实上， 高考续写对情节的要求是：完整，符合故事的发展。没有一条规定情节要波澜起伏， 而是故事完整就可以。事实上，150 词左右的文章，只有蒲松龄这样的大师能做到情 节起伏跌宕和语言精彩同时并存。作为高中学生，情节完整，符合原文发展，语言准 确就很好了，否则只会让英语才入门不久的高中学生害怕英语，这不是我们高考的目 的。在八省联考批改时，我们看到很多高分作文（22 分+）都是几乎没有一句套话， 也没有任何高大上的复杂句子，都是简单的倒装句和状从，但是最可贵的是故事很完 整，连贯，过渡自然，然后主题恰到好处。很多老师觉得不可思议，我找不到漂亮的 句子啊，为什么那么高分？ 下面我举例： 2021 年 1 月浙江卷 阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。 Pumpkin (南瓜）carving at Halloween is a family tradition. We visit a local farm every October. In the pumpkin field, I compete with my three brothers and sister to seek out the biggest pumpkin. My dad has a rule that we have to carry our pumpkins back home, and as the eldest child I have an advantage — I carried an 85-pounder back last year. This year, it was hard to tell whether my prize or the one chosen by my 14-year-old brother, Jason, was the winner. Unfortunately we forgot to weigh them before taking out their insides, but I was determined to prove my point. All of us were hard at work at the kitchen table, with my mom filming the annual event. I ’ m unsure now why I thought forcing my head inside the pumpkin would settle the matter, but it seemed to make perfect sense at the time. With the pumpkin resting on the table, hole uppermost, I bent over and pressed my head against the opening. At first I got jammed just above my eyes and then, as I went on with my task, unwilling to quit, my nose briefly prevented entry. Finally I managed to put my whole head into it, like a cork (软 木塞) forced into a bottle. I was able to straighten up with the huge pumpkin resting on my shoulders. My excitement was short-lived. The pumpkin was heavy. “I’m going to set it down, now,” I said, and with Jason helping to support its weight, I bent back over the table to give it somewhere to rest. It was only when I tried to remove my head that I realized getting out was going to be less straightforward than getting in. When I pulled hard, my nose got in the way. I got into a panic as I pressed firmly against the table and moved my head around trying to find the right angle, but it was no use. “I can’t get it out!” I shouted, my voice sounding unnaturally loud in the enclosed space. 注意： 1. 所续写短文的词数应为 150 左右； 2. 至少使用 5 个短文中标有下划线的关键词语； 3. 续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好； 4. 续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。 Paragraph 1 I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer. 这篇文章是日常脱困类的，脱困类的文章重点是如何脱困，强调一个结果，并没 有什么鸡汤感慨，而是告诉你一个不平常的值得回忆的经历。浙江省的考题喜欢这样 考。 主题 Pumpkin (南瓜）carving at Halloween is a family tradition. 推测：Halloween 的传统让我一家非常开心。 就续写第二段提示句而言，可以看出来，不仅仅我一家 开心，别人也开心。 场景一：我的 紧张 (根据 I was stuck 来衔接，表示恐惧写法很多的，我 直接 tell) With seconds ticking by, my worry gave way to fear, my head spinning. 场景二：父亲 帮忙 （2-3 个关键 连续动作即可，不 要多，因为你的语 言能力有限） (文章里 mother 拍视频，Jason 已经帮忙过了，就剩下 father 了，父亲如何帮忙？很多人这个地方写的非常复杂， 其实就是父亲把南瓜慢慢拔出来了。我们学生很容易：想多 了！） 说一说（用声音）：Just at that moment / at my wit’s end, my father’s voice came to my ears. “Don’t panic. Here I come!” 动一动：I could feel his hands grabbing the pumpkin and pulling it backward slowly. 场景三：成功 脱困 （此处写脱困有两层：第一终于出来了，表示时间之长； 第二是根据 video, posted 说明妈妈在拍视频） Taking a long breath, I turned around just in time to see my mother filming me. 第一段的完整： I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer. With seconds ticking by, my worry gave way to fear, my head spinning. Just at that moment / at my wit’s end, my father’s voice came to my ears. “Don’t panic. Here I come!” I could feel his hands grabbing the pumpkin and pulling it backward slowly. After what felt like forever, out came my hair and then my nose. Aha! I saw the light! Taking a long breath, I turned around just in time to see my mother filming me. (86 words) Paragraph 2 That video was posted the day before Halloween. 场景一：视频 带来的网上反馈 （post 说明这是发在网上的，接下来写网上的反应：点 赞和留言很多。同时怎么让我去看？或者是直接写我去看， 或者是 Jason 让我去看。两者都可以） 说一说：The next morning, Jason urged me to see the video I had posted, his voice kind of mysterious. 想一想，动一动：Out of curiosity, I checked the video only to find hundreds of likes and messages under it. 说一说：More interesingly, many similar Halloween stories were shared. 场景二：我们 对反馈的情绪 （毫无疑问，我们读这些反馈肯定是非常开心的，如何 描写开心，也是有太多的句子） As my family read them, we fell about laughing now and then and the whole house was bathed in happiness. 场景三：主题 It was amazing how my Halloween fun made people find empahty with us! Paragraph 2 That video was posted the day before Halloween. The next morning, Jason urged me to see the video I had posted, his voice kind of mysterious. Out of curiosity, I checked the video only to find hundreds of likes and messages under it. More interesingly, many similar Halloween stories were shared. As my family read them, we fell about laughing now and then and the whole house was bathed in happiness. It was amazing how my Halloween fun made people find such empahty with us! 全文： Paragraph 1 I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer. With seconds ticking by, my worry gave way to fear, my head spinning. Just at that moment / at my wit’s end, my father’s voice came to my ears. “Don’t panic. Here I come!” I could feel his hands grabbing the pumpkin and pulling it backward slowly. After what felt like forever, out came my hair and then my nose. Aha! I saw the light! Taking a long breath, I turned around just in time to see my mother filming me. (86 words) Paragraph 2 That video was posted the day before Halloween. The next morning, Jason urged me to see the video I had posted, his voice kind of mysterious. Out of curiosity, I checked the video only to find hundreds of likes and messages under it. More interesingly, many similar Halloween stories were shared. As my family read them, we fell about laughing and the whole house was bathed in happiness. It was amazing how my Halloween fun made people find empahty with us! （73 words)